I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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