So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
