Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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