All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
