Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize