Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
