my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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