Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
we should paint friendship bongs
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
