I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
