I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
