maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
