What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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