Just cropdusted the office
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
