Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
