Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize