You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
