Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you traded sex for a burrito?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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