I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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