Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize