smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
