My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
