It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
