I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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