So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
