My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize