New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
