Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
