He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize