I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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