Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
