Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There's always time for handjobs
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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