You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
