I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
