I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
babies were throwing up all over the place
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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