I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
