and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
