john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
