I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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