question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I pour the whiskey from now on
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
