I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
