you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
