Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Send help, water and tortillas.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
