Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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