he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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