you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
