He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
