But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
