I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I AM VODKA MAN
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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