i think i have herpe
just one?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
