Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize