My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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