that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
