wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
