i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
