This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
