my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
