You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
