I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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