I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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