to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
