Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She's the barista slut.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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