I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
