I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
