just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
