just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
