Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
