Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
