1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
