Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
