Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
