I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize